Manic Mania

There are two hours left in this day.. which is? Thursday I think. Since Monday evening, I have had a total of 7 hours of sleep. TOTAL of 7 hours.I know what you are thinking...oh you poor thing, you must be exhausted. WRONG! I feel like I could run a 5k marathon right now and win. If you saw me, you would think I look exceptional. I feel like superwoman. I can juggle 3 kids, a husband, friends, house chores, work, church, blogging, facebook, and texting (all only being 2 weeks out of major abdominal surgery) without even flinching.
I don't sleep.
I don't eat.
I am down 8lbs in 11 days.
What's going on? I'm having a manic episode of bipolar.
I don't know how long it will last. I never do. I stopped my meds a few months after I had the girls and came out of my deep depression. Why? I like the highs. I know that sounds sick, but you can't even imagine what I am capable of getting done when I'm in a manic episode. I have never done drugs, but I can only imagine it's like being on a major dose of speed. Only I have no control over it.
I went to the doc yesterday. During my pregnancy I established a relationship with him that's more like a best friend than a doctor. He saw me at my very very worst. And he knew INSTANTLY that I was in an episode. He made me promise to get back on the meds right away. WHY? Well your brain starts releasing so much "feel good" feelings that eventually it takes over your ability to make sound decisions. You act on impulse. You don't think. You just do. People walk away from families, friends and their entire lives without even realizing what they have done. I have had one crazy week and once I realized what was happening, I know why I have acted the way I have.
I don't know if I have ever had a manic episode get away from me. That's the problem with them. When I look back on my teenage years and some of the crazy rash decisions I made, I wonder how much of that was teenager and how much of that was bipolar. I know I preached on this subject a few days ago. But, it's my entire life. It's something I face everyday. And it's my mission in life to talk about it as much as I can until it becomes a topic that's okay to sit around and talk about. Tomorrow morning I might fall off the manic. Part of this journal is for me to be able to go back and research what I felt during certain episodes of my life. It's really like watching my life happen in front of me while I'm behind a wall with no control over it. I have episodes that have lasted for months. I encourage you to google it. Education is key. Don't worry, I have scheduled appointment with doc to start the pills again. I know what's at stake when you aren't careful.

Today, I have felt the start of a fall.

To be continued...