Leprosy...I mean Bi-Polar Disorder

Yeah I said it...

I felt the need to get this out today. It's been weighing on me for awhile now. The BIG bi-polar topic. I was diagnosed with depression as a teenager. It was years later that I had a very dear friend let me know I might have bi-polar disorder. I say dear friend because only your closest, truest friends will let you know something like that. I remember looking up the disorder and finding myself checking 15 of 16 symptoms. I sent the link to my mother, whom then called my father and read them to him. He asked if my picture was next to the article because that was SO ME! After a few doctors visits, and years of therapy, I had been officially diagnosed. Bi-Polar Depression Disorder. Type 2.
It NEVER once bothered me that I have this disorder. It's not something I did, it's not something I asked for, it's not something I chose. It's a real sickness, requiring real medication. What I didn't expect was the reaction people have about it. I mean, people seriously look at you like you have a horrible disease...such as leprosy, or AIDS. I firmly believe the problem is that the world is uneducated to it. And you know how people are, when we don't get something, it's far easier to judge than to sit down and look at facts. I honestly feel that if more people would be open to talking about it, that we would have far less suicides. Part of the sickness is that you feel so ashamed feeling the way you do. But no one understands that it's not your fault you feel that way. And when the world shuts you out, you only sink further and further into your hole.
I had a very good friend whose husband took his life last year. I was so angry at him that I wanted to hit him when I saw him in the casket that day. It took a while for me to realize I was so angry because I had been there myself. I was angry that he felt like he couldn't share those feelings with someone. I was angry that the world pushed him down into his hole. I was angry at myself for being angry at him and judging him just like the rest of the world when I myself have been in that very pit.
I have been in the pit twice in my life. And I pray to God that I never reach that level of lowness again. It's not something you can explain when you come out of it, because you can't recall that feeling post depression. To this day though, I still cry thinking about those times. It's the hardest feeling in the world. Unfortunately, one was during my pregnancy, making it impossible me to go back to that time. That's why there are no pregnancy pics. There are no journals, cards, NOTHING that will remind me of that time. It's not something you wanna live again and it's not something you wanna remember. By the Grace of God I made it through 36 weeks of a twin pregnancy. By the Grace of God.
I just wanted to vent a little on that. Next time you hear someone say that they are Bi-Polar or that someone else has it.. say a little prayer for them. You never know where they are at on their coaster of emotions. You could be the very one that pulls them out of that pit.