ya-ya weekend

OK! So, the long awaited ANNUAL GIRLS WEEKEND has arrived.

The 8 ya-ya's take off tonight at 5:30 sharp! We leave on a private jet, take off to a secluded spot that only the 8 of us know about, dine at a world famous 5 star restaurant, listen to a famous singer, and then head to a world class resort where we stay for 2 nights, being waited on with whatever need we may have, while lounging at our own private pool, drinking fancy little drinks with those cute little umbrellas!

YEAH RIGHT....and then I wake up!

We leave at 5:30, we take 2 mini-vans(because that's how we roll), take of to the lake an hour away, dine at a dive karaoke bar (listening to no one but our own group of talent; which let me tell you is a riot), then we head to a lake house, where no one waits on us, but ourselves, while lounging at our private dock on the dirty lake, while drinking whatever was on sale at Walmart that day. And NO, there are no fancy umbrellas!

But, despite it all, its one of my favorite weekends of the year, hands down! It's rare that all of get to go out in public together. Namely because we get dirty looks from others when we get together. I'm not sure if it's because of the EXTREMELY high volume we create, our talking of plotting other people's death, or that they are just super jealous! I'm gonna go with the first two!

It's when some of our greatest memories are made. There are always tears shed as we reflect on each of the trials that we endured from the year, smiles over the plans we have for the future, laughter because no one else laughs over us so we have to do it ourselves, and most importantly....FOOD. Almost all of us are infamous for a dish that we make. So on ya-ya weekend we bring those fantastic recipes together.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. They are the best group of friends a person could ask for. They are as close to me as my children are. And that's pretty dang close. I feel extremely blessed to have such good friends who stand by me when others wouldn't give me a second glance. It's not everyday that you know that kind of love.

Love you ladies..

Whit

Relief.

The fair is OVER! I made it...Barely! This was the hardest year for me. I didn't think I was gonna make it through. I got sick, I passed out, I hit a man. It was a lot of drama. But it's over.

I told my mom, I am not sure I have ever worked a fair without a manic high. I now know that I'm not totally capable of handling the 19 hour work days without it! I made my goal on money and so that's always satisfying. At least all that hard work was worth it.

I wasn't able to take my antipsychotic pills during the fair because they are intended to shut my brain down and let me sleep, and since I couldn't sleep during the fair, I couldn't take my pills. I started them again last night and so today I'm doing the whole groggy thing, but I know that will fade in a few days. I am working my way up to a full dose of mood stabilizers. Apparently there is a deadly rash that less than 2% of people get with the drug I'm on and so they have to work you up to the right dosage. Awesome! That would be just peachy, right? Well, honey, I'm in a better mood but I'm dying of a rash!

School starts tomorrow for my little 2nd grader! I can't believe I have a 2nd grader. I am looking forward to school starting. I'm ready to get back in to some kind of a routine. We NEED that. My son, who is 7, is starting to act out a bit, and so maybe the routine of school will help things! Let's pray it does, so that I don't hurt him! haha!

Well, hope everyone's school week starts off swell!

Fair time!~

Wow, can't believe it's been a week since I last blogged. I am seriously busy. It won't get any better anytime soon either. My beloved fair has started today and I'm stoked! It's a loooooong ten days for me, since I'm working out there and my normal job, but I do love it. This is my 11th year working. Man that makes me feel old.

I have bought my fanny pack. I would hate to stand out in the crowd without it. I have my tennis shoes on and I'm chomping at the bit to get out there. I haven't eaten a funnel cake since I started, but man I sure can make a mean one! If you are out and about come see. Tell them I sent ya!

On to more serious subjects.

I debated long and hard about starting my hormone therapy this week, cuz 115 degree heat index coupled with hot flashes equals one cranky mamma! But two things kept me from doing it. A) I do not want to risk my endometriosis coming back, and B) I don't know how I will react to the new hormones and I would hate to miss working the fair. Yes people! I love it THAT much!

I also have REALLY struggled this week with taking my bipolar pills. I have done it. Faithfully, I might add. But I'm telling you, I can make killer money when I'm on a crazy manic episode! I will be getting about 3 hours of sleep each night and that's no problem when I'm high, but I think it might take a toll on me this year. I guess only time will tell.

I'm not sure when I get to blog again, but hopefully before next week! We shall see. Weather man says there's a cold front coming in. Once again, thank you God. He knows I get a bit cranky in the heat.

Until next week....

I miss my crack.

It's 9:21am. I got to work late....again. It's been like this all week. I am not hearing my alarm clock in the mornings. Nor am I hearing my children cry in the night. I'm not sure if it's because they aren't waking up, or that I'm sleeping through it. I feel tired. My eyes feel heavy. I am struggling to get in the zone.

It's my pills. While they indeed help my brain shut down, they are working a little too well. I cut them in half, as suggested by my doctor, but still, I am a zombie. I am not sure if I'm taking them too late or if they are just truly that powerful.

It's times like today that make a bipolar go off their meds. I MISS MY CRACK! I want my high back. I feel like I'm in rehab about to rip off someones face for just a tiny little bit of the good stuff. I'm ready to shoot a puppy if I think they are holdin'. And don't send me hate mail over that. I'm just laying it out there.

Night time is MY time! It's when I get something done. Whether it's reading, catching up on my tv, cleaning, laundry, bible study, or just sitting on the porch talking to one of the ya-ya's. IT'S MY TIME! With these pills, I'm not getting my time. I take them and then thirty minutes later, I'm struggling to make a complete sentence. My brain literally shuts off, and it takes me 15 seconds or more to get the next word in my train of thought out. It's so frustrating.

Just a short week and half ago, I could have stayed up til 5am getting all of the things on my list done, and wake up at 7am ready to start another crazy day, without even blinking an eye. Again, I MISS MY CRACK! I know that staying on my meds are the only way I can live a normal, well maybe not normal, but a healthy lifestyle. I'm pretty sure no amount of drugs will make me "normal". HAHA!

I have never been addicted to anything. I think I can say that and truly mean it. Yeah, I have drank more than I should have on occasions for long periods of time, I smoked like a chimney for awhile, and I smoked a couple joints back in the day. I'm not a soda pop fan, and I mostly stay on decaf coffee. And without even thinking, I could stop those things without the slightest bit of effort. So I am quite confident that I have never been an addict of any sort.....UNTIL NOW! I'm telling you, if they bottled the feeling I get from my manic episodes, I would walk through hell and take candy from a child to get it! And listen, I'm not one for taking candy from a child.

This is the hardest part of bipolar disorder. And I feel like I need to say this: I do not hate that I am bipolar. Sometimes I even love that I am. It truly allows me to think outside the box. You know when you buy a book of crossword puzzles. They have easy, hard, and challenging. Well for me, I couldn't do the easy or hard ones to save my life, but hand me a challenging one, and I can have it completed in a matter of minutes. My brain just truly thinks different. What seems so easy to most, presents the most trouble for me. I do not want any sympathy for this. I don't mind it. And I take offense when someone looks at me with pity. I am hear to educate, not to for pity votes. Just throwin that out there!

I wish I had some genius, thought provoking ending to this little blog. Unfortunately, I don't. Blame my pills.

Don't worry about a thing.

Heard an old song this moring that just really made me smile. I say all the time that life is too short to worry about anything. None of us are guaranteed tomorrow, so why not LIVE today!



Ever been misunderstood, misused, or misled?
Ever knocked on the sky
and had it fall on your head?
well, don't worry 'bout it, don't worry
Ever lost your luggage, your marbles,
your house
Or found yourself in bed with Uncle Sam or Mickey Mouse
Ever been accused of murder on Music Row
Or caught in morning traffic when you
really gotta go - Oh no!

[Chorus]
Life is funny, life's a mess
Sometimes a curse, sometimes a blessing
Don't worry 'bout a thing, don't worry 'bout it
Life gets sticky, life can bruise
Sometimes you win sometimes your losing
No matter what it brings
Don't worry 'bout a thing

Ever sat yourself down when the
seat is all wet
Or see your "ex" sucking face with
a little brunette
Don't worry 'bout it, no don't worry
Ever lost your religion, ever lost your
best friend
Or found your last record in the bargain bin
Or been stuck in a divorce like crazy glue
Or scraped someone else's gum off the
bottom of your shoe - Boo hoo!

We all got a little junk in the trunk
And when you're feelin' good as sunk
Remember, everything will be just fine
If I laugh at yours then you'll laugh at mine


Life gets sticky, life can bruise
Sometimes you win sometimes your losing
No matter what it brings
Don't worry 'bout a thing

(thank you very much)

Interruption or Intervention

Ok, so I have started a bible study on Jonah! Remember him? The one that God gave specific instructions to and he ran away from him? Yeah! Who hasn't done that?

Well each day we have a devotional that we get to do and last night was my Day 2. I'm not gonna lie, I was struggling to get into this. I don't know why since I am a total Jonah and constantly ignore God!!! One of the main goals of week one is to look at "Life's Interruptions" as God's "Divine Interventions".

For example: TWINS! LIFE INTERRUPTION! But when I change my thinking, I realize that GOD himself blessed me with those two little girls. And from the moment that they came into this world, they have truly been a DIVINE INTERVENTION. They have taught me patience(not always), they have taught me humbleness, and most of all it took them coming into this world for me to put my complete faith in the father. Because God and God alone was the only one who saved me during that pregnancy.

Now, as I read my little devotion last night, it asked what my current 'Nineveh' situation is. What has God thrown at me recently that I view as an interruption, but really is there to teach me and help me grow? I'm not gonna lie....I COULDN'T THINK OF ANYTHING! AAAHHH! I kind of grew frustrated at this. Because the book says to be excited and waiting in anticipation of your next interruption. And I kind of am! As I closed my bible and said my prayers, I took a phone call from a friend.

I explained my struggle and as the words "I can't think of an interruption" came out of my mouth, I quickly realized that this friend was EXACTLY that! They came back into my life recently with a giant BANG, and my whole life has been turned upside down ever since! Well, you know me. I quickly blurted out "YOU ARE MY INTERRUPTION!" , to which my friend took offense. I retracted saying that nothing in this life happens without reason and that God is gonna use them to show me a DIVINE Intervention. How cool is that? How cool for them that God hand selected them to change my life.

By simply changing one word my life has a whole new outlook. I am scared at what he is going to show me, but I know that he has a plan for me that is greater than any fear or concern I could muster up.

But not only am I waiting in anticipation for God to throw something at me, I am also praying about another thing. I could very well be my friend. I could be some one's Divine Intervention. What if someone is out there just waiting for God to use me to speak to them? That's kind of a big deal. It makes me feel so special and yet I shouldn't be so surprised. God loves me that much. He doesn't NEED me for ANYTHING, and yet he chooses to use me anyway. That's big stuff.

So, how has life interrupted you lately? And if you change the word... how has life Intervened lately?

I shouldn't say that.

Happy Sunday all! It's been a few days since I have had a free second! It truly was one of the busiest weeks we have had. Work was nutty, trying to get all the kid contest pictures posted and done. The contest left me with tons of custom work, which I look forward to starting this week.

Friday I took the day off and headed to Kansas City to help decorate for my sisters wedding. She's not quite the planner that I am and tends to freak out a bit more. I am kind of an OCD when it comes to that stuff, and I actually enjoy it. She doesn't. I thought everything went about as smooth as it could go, though. The rehearsal went great, and I felt very confident in my song after I was able to practice with the piano man there. (I sang at the wedding, for those of you who don't know.)

The wedding was great. Dakota sobbed the entire thing, as well as my father. Ashley teared up a couple times. The sermon was amazing. It was very personal to them and I thought it was great. My favorite part of all of it was when the preacher spoke about our wedding rings. He said that when you get into a fight and you say hurtful words, you should look down and touch your wedding ring and remind yourself of how you felt the day you put them on. You should tell yourself that you married the most amazing person in the world and that maybe you shouldn't say that. Well, that one cut me like a knife! If I had been sitting by Kurt, I would have grabbed his hand and begged for forgiveness right there in the middle of that church.

As you have read from my posts, the last 6 weeks of our lives have been a little rough. We are raising twin 1 year olds, a 7 year old son who feels like testing the waters, a bipolar wife who is dealing with medical induced menopause, and a husband.

What I have forgotten is that he isn't just any husband. He is the man who has taken on the task of all the above on his own. He works long hours every night, and comes straight home to take babies to daycare. He gets a few hours of sleep during the day, when he isn't entertaining Drennen or running errands for me, and then he is up at 4 to pick up those same two babies. As soon as I walk in the door, he is hit with my attitude and the mood swings that I couldn't take out on our customers. He deals with my anger, my rage, my neglect, and my very hurtful words. And he does this day in and day out. Sure he has some hurtful words himself, and sure that makes me even more upset. But I have forgotten to look at my ring. I have forgotten to touch it and remember the day that I put it on.

It was one of the greatest days of my life. I knew that day that I married someone very special. I knew that I married someone who would stick by me through thick and thin. I knew that I married a man with the patience of Job. And most of all, I knew that I had married a man who knew all of my flaws and married me anyway.

When we got home late last night, I reached out my arms to hug him and I apologized like I had never done so before. I told him I would truly do my best to touch my ring when I am angry and remind myself that I shouldn't say that. There isn't a person in the world who would put up with all that he has and still stick around. That's why I know that God himself put us together.

And what God puts together, may no man seperate.....Including me.