blah

I am exhausted today. Truth be told, I have been exhausted for awhile. My mind is tired, my emotions are shot, and I'm physically running on fumes.

It was a rough weekend. Headed to Oklahoma at 4am on Saturday to go to my Grandpa's funeral. I thought I had been pretty accepting of his death, as he's older, and we knew it was coming. But as I sat in the church, I realized we were saying goodbye to the second half of our family's core. Granny passed already.

I walked through a house that so many of my best memories were made. Sitting in that kitchen chair staring out the window while granny made us french toast and her secret orange juice. We were older when we figured out it was just Bright an Early oj, with a scoop of tang in it. Still, it was special to us. I loved our summers spent there learning to cross stitch. Learning to cook. Hearing the stories of years past. That's what happens when you have a 95 year old grandpa. You get to hear the good stuff.

I did something I never do. I actually viewed the body lying in the casket. I just had to see the face one last time of the man who started this amazing legacy that we call our family.

The service was beautiful. One of the greatest sermons ever preached probably. It's easy to talk when you know without a doubt that the man you are remembering is dancing with Jesus as you talk.

We left the next morning early and headed to Oklahoma City as my grandmother had been taken there the night before with heart issues. Talk about a crazy weekend. My mom has been put through the ringer. We are all just tired.

I just wanna break down. I try and look at this sweet little picture on my desk reminding me how fragile life truly is. I feel bad complaining knowing what others have gone through, but I can't help it. Part of my family is broken. Part of my core is shaken. And it really never will be the same.

I have no point to this blog. I'm getting a bit numb to the events that have happened in the last month. I pray for the person who is left holding the grenade that is me when I finally do have a breakdown. It will happen. Just not sure how or when.